Mmm . . . You’ve started asking me lots of questions and it’s becoming more and more difficult to keep up with answering them all individually.
So here are my answers to some of them . . . (the more sensible ones) . . . and, if you want to ask me a question of your own, please feel free to email me from the email form at the foot of my Members Page.
You can also find more about me by reading my recent interviews at Modesty Interviews.
April 2017 Update – Please note: The answers to these questions were emailed and answered at the time they were asked of me. So . . . with the passing of time . . . some of the “frequency” or “specifics” of my answers, may have changed. You can ask me again if you wish, for a more “current” status of some of my replies?
Q: How many lovers have you been with?
A: This seems to have become the question I am being asked the most lately!
I always answer that for me it is “quality” rather than “quantity” so you might be disappointed to learn that up until . . . October 2017 . . . I have only indulged with 71 different partners.
That includes 5 lovers I see on a reasonably regular basis (every 2 or 3 months or so, whenever we can arrange a convenient time & place). I’ve met some of my other lovers at Swingers events, private parties etc . . . most of these have been one-off encounters, and includes several ladies I’ve played with, but some of these I have met on more than one occasion (always with Hubby present).
BUT . . . as I said . . . it is “quality” that’s more important for us, and I will try to keep updating this paragraph, so if you continue to be curious about “quantity” just keep checking back from time-to-time, and “you never know!”.
Q: How did you chose your web-site name?
A: This seems to be the second-most popular question I am asked.
My website name came about from one of my “Cougar Moments” with an extremely energetic young man at our local Swingers Club. After we emerged from the “viewing room” to a round of applause from quite a crowd of on-lookers, I blushingly giggled to my young lover “you’ve sent my modesty up in flames”. He replied “Modesty Ablaze”.
Q: Are the pictures on your blog really you, or other women?
A: They are all me. All of the photographs in my diary posts, and on my “Gallery” and other “Private” pages are all of me. They are all taken by my Husband.
I sometimes think they are not very flattering (I don’t like my tummy, and I know that I’m not a model and have never felt very comfortable in front of a camera . . . and Hubby is not a photographer, and they are only taken with our little mobile camera), but it is nice that I often receive nice comments about them and people asking for “more”.
The photos used on all of my Ebooks (“The Modesty Diaries”) are also of me.
Q: How often do you swing?
A: We visit our Swinging Club once a month or so, sometimes more if the mood takes me … and the opportunity arises!!
I meet my lovers less frequently, as it is often difficult for us to arrange evenings when we are each free on the same night. I might see one of my four, semi-regular, lovers once a month or so.
Q: Are all the women at that club like you or is it all blokes?
A: Some of the women there are much more “forward” than I am. There have been several occasions when we’ve been that I haven’t “indulged” at all. (Well only a few occasions actually, LOL!!) But there are some single women there, mostly couples . . . and of course a number of single men as well.
Q: What made you start a blog site. Is it a turn on just to brag about the things you do or was it for other reasons?
A: I suppose I started this diary site because I so love being able to enjoy the “lifestyle” I have with my hubby and I just wanted to share it with other people. (I could hardly tell my “normal” friends or family could I).
And, yes it is a “turn-on” to think that people are reading about my experiences. But, actually as the diary has developed, I’ve also found I enjoy reading all the messages and comments and emails I receive, and in fact I think I’ve been able to help some people by offering advice or explaining how some specific events changed our marriage and relationship … and all for the better. I hope that answers your question?
Q: What things would you like people to get out of reading your blog?
A: I hope it will make them smile, giggle . . . and perhaps even laugh out loud. I want people to feel a sense of fun when they look at my posts. I always try to never, ever take things too seriously . . . and hope that it will make people feel better about themselves, both in body and soul!!!
July 2014 Update: More thoughts on this question are also covered in my “Past, Present and why I blog!” #wickedwednesday post >here<.
Q: What things do you need to find attractive about a man before you would accept him as a lover?
A: I have to feel at ease in his company. He has to be interesting to talk to . . . flirty and confident in his approach. Perhaps a little cheeky and intriguing . . . and then I MIGHT just be tempted! ?
Q: Spit or Swallow?
A: Hmm, it depends on the person, the situation . . . and how I’m feeling at the time. It could be either . . . a spur of the moment decision. (LOL!!) ?
Q: Do you cam or do videos?
A: No I don’t cam. (I just don’t have the time . . . and, honestly, it’s not something that I would find interesting or exciting).
I do have several “private” videos for my “Balcony Members” (visit my Members Page for more details) and of course have recently (July 2013) started sharing some videos at the wonderful MakeLoveNotPorn.tv site which I really urge you to visit. Not just to see my videos, but also because there are lots and lots of really interesting people also sharing their own?
Q: My question is what keeps the emotions if falling in love with another lover? If it’s just great sex fine, but my fear is either the lover will want more, or I would want more in the relationship. That is the only reason I haven’t gone for it. What’s your take on it?
A: I have always made it clear, to each of my lovers, that our meetings are just about having a good time and adding a little extra spice and excitement to our lives. (Theirs as well as mine . . . and my hubby!!!) I’ve always told them that I am completely happy in my married life and would never want to change that. They each know that I am only looking for fun and sexual enjoyment and fulfilment. That is what I want to give to them . . . and that is what I enjoy receiving back.
Q: You had a question regarding new sexual activity with your lover you would absolutely say no to your husband very quickly. You do not want to disappoint your lover. Why is it ok to disappoint your husband especially if he suggested it first?
A: I suppose it is because being with a lover is different and exciting and that in itself can sometimes make me want to experiment more. So it is not that I want to “disappoint” my husband . . . and in fact, if I’ve done something different or naughty with someone else, my husband will always “benefit” from that when I tell him about it later.
Q: In your relationship with your husband, do you consider him a cuckolded husband? If so, do you look upon it as a weakened position for your husband? In your marriage have you become more dominate in your relationship with your husband than before swinging?
A: No I don’t consider my husband to be a cuckhold. Although I sometimes enjoy seeing my lovers on my own, my husband always enjoys hearing about what has happened. Neither one of us is more dominant than the other in our home life, and during our swinging experiences we always swing together. He enjoys seeing me with others, and I enjoy seeing him with other women.
Q: As for your husband, are you ok with him also having a lover? If so, how has that affected your marriage? If not how has that affected your marriage?
A: My husband doesn’t meet with a lover on his own (unlike me! LOL!!). But if he did I suppose that to a point I would have to accept that what is acceptable for me, would have to work both ways. I do see him with another woman during our occasional foursomes at the swinging club. Because I can see what is going on I guess I find it more acceptable. But, I like to do what I like to do as well, and to have my own time exclusively with my lovers occasionally!!!
Q: With including other men in your sex life, how has it affected your confidence and in what manner? Has it affected the way you are dressing yourself now as in comparison to before allowing other men into your sex life and how?
A: Yes I suppose it has made me more confident in myself. It’s a lovely feeling to know you are desired by other people. That makes me feel good. And, yes, it has made me think more about how I might dress to excite (and yes spend more money on sexy new underwear!!!).
Q: Who do you look forward too having sex with, your husband or your lover? ( The honest to god truth not what you think society wants you to say. Please) . Now do you and your lover have sex or make love?
A: In the sense of “looking forward” I always get excited if I know I am seeing one of my lovers, or if my husband and I are going out to the swinging club. Because in a way you have to make more of an effort to do something special, and the anticipation and thinking about what I will be doing, makes it all really naughty and “sexciting” and a real turn-on.
Q: Do you really find when you have sex or love making with other men, does this mellow you out for several days because you are satisfied, or do you find yourself desiring to have more sex with your husband?
A: As I mentioned in response to an earlier question, meeting with one of my lovers, or perhaps having a session (along with my husband) at our swinging club, always leads to more passionate sex in the days immediately following my (or our) adventure. So I would say yes it does “mellow” me in a “feel good” sort of way, but it only serves to intensify my need for more sex. Over the past few months it seems like the more I have, the more I want!!!
Q: What about when you have not been with another man for awhile, does your desire to still have sex with your husband dwindle away?
A: No it does not dwindle, we still have enjoyable sex. It’s just a question of making time for each other, and making the effort to do something different from the norm. It could be perhaps be just going up to the bedroom early, putting on a sexy movie, or perhaps asking him to give me a foot massage, or me giving him an erection massage.
Q: Has having sex with other men besides your husband, increased the occurrences of you and your husband’s sex life together because you are craving him or he is craving you when you get back from spending time with the other man?
A: Yes definitely. If I have been out for an evening with a lover, my husband is always waiting up for me when I return home. We almost always then have some of our most passionate sex over the next few days.
Q: What new men you have gone to bed with, has created an increasing craving for sex or for new and different men?
A: If I find someone appealing enough to go to bed with, then every new man is an exciting adventure. But I have to feel comfortable and at ease in their presence BEFORE taking that final step. If I feel that it just wouldn’t work-out, then I just politely say “no, not tonight I’m sorry”.
Q: If a lover asks you to do something different during sex are you more likely to do it than you would if your husband asks the same thing?
A: Possibly, because I don’t want to disappoint them, I might agree to “try” something that normally with my husband I might say “no” straight-away to. But if I’m not enjoying something I would ask them to stop. On the other hand, if I find I DO enjoy it, my husband will get even more excited and it will be the first thing he wants to do during our next “cuddles” on our own.
Q: Don’t you get guilty about the wifes of the men you use for sex?
A: No I don’t really. I know that I am not trying to take them away from their wife. I am honest within my own marriage so I know that I am not deceiving anyone. I tend to put their wife to the back of my mind. I am just sharing some excitement and fun with them . . . and, in fact, I am probably helping their marriage by making them feel happier and better about themselves.
Q: Do you only go swinging cos your husband cant satisfy you?
A: No absolutely not. It’s not just about satisfaction. It’s also about “the difference” of being with someone else. The indulgence and excitement, the complete and utter arousal of being naughty and . . . yes, even sluttish . . . just being able to forget all the normalities of life and letting oneself go in moments of lust and passion. That’s why I so enjoy sex with others . . . AND of course, because I know I can!
I don’t have to go behind my husbands back, or lie . . . I can just be happy in the knowledge that if I WANT, it I know I can !!!
Q: Do you find it easy having sex with a complete stranger?
A: I do HAVE to feel at ease and relaxed with people that we may meet. But it is actually much easier meeting people at a Swinging Club because people are generally much more open and quite laid-back. There is no pressure, and people respect that “no” means “no”.
Then, if I do feel a connection with someone, and I am feeling in the right mood and all the circumstances are right . . . then yes , it is easy to let one-self go and enjoy the occasion for what it is . . . just nice fun and an exciting time.
BUT . . . everything has to be just right. I could certainly not be as open, or feel or act like this if I was being chatted-up in a normal pub or bar. And wherever I may meet someone, I would NOT go with just any Tom, Harry . . . or Dick!!!
I will do my best to answer more (sensible) questions and post them here as soon as I can.