A recent comment on one of my posts . . . mirrors several emails I’ve received recently mentioning things along the lines of “I wish my wife was like you”.
I always try and respond with “well – do you talk with them about your feelings and desires? . . . Because, deep down inside, they MAY actually want to be someone different!!!”
Any relationship, no matter how much you actually love someone, can become routine and mundane. And, particularly if one is trying to balance the pressures and stress of bringing-up ones children, running the family home . . . and very probably going out to work as well . . . it can be incredibly tiring and draining.
I know that despite the fact that we’d always had a fun and adventurous relationship, and despite my Hubby always encouraging me to express my deepest feelings right from the very beginning, I still felt it hard to completely “open-up”, or even admit to myself, the things that really excited me. Perhaps it was my Catholic upbringing. Perhaps a lack of self-confidence. Perhaps a fear of being rejected.
So I couldn’t admit to feeling flattered, and excited, and interested by the approaches of other men. And despite all the feelings of guilt and probably initially at least, shame . . . I found myself embarking on an office affair. It was an escape, a distraction, a release from my “ordinary” life. And it was a thrill and an excitement I just couldn’t deny.
And yet . . . I also couldn’t deny those feelings of guilt and deception . . . and the moment I felt I had to “confess my sins” was one of the most frightening moments of my life. But instead of exploding in fits of rage Hubby insisted he knew that I had been seeing someone else, almost from the start. He told me he loved the fact that I could experience that excitement, and difference, and fun . . . and that it simply enriched our lives.
That moment was truly life-changing. Realising that we could both share absolutely everything about ourselves, all our deepest personal secrets, desires and needs, was an incredible feeling.
Of course it didn’t change our lifestyle overnight. We still had all those normal, everyday, pressures. The work, the home . . . and the children. But suddenly that one emotional, heart-wrenching conversation meant that nothing could come between us. If we could talk so openly, and understand, and share each others sexual desires and needs, we could talk and understand anything and everything.
My affair continued and my new-found “freedom” meant I was able to meet and develop other relationships over the coming months and years. My sharing all of the details with Hubby of my “evenings out” grew and developed with an almost natural unplanned progression into him meeting several of my lovers. Then into him actually joining us . . . then into Swingers Clubs . . . then into . . .
And the more we shared, the more we talked, the stronger our relationship became . . . and it continues still !!! Our life just continues to get better . . . and more fulfilling, and more exciting . . . and more fun.
Why am I telling you all this???
Because . . . I understand how difficult it can be sometimes to just open-up and tell someone we really love, just what we really, really feel inside. Particularly about sex! Why is it that we find something so natural, so basic, so fundamental, so difficult to talk about? If we can only just put aside all those feelings of guilt, shame . . . and jealousy . . . we can unlock not only ourselves, but also those nearest and dearest to our hearts. It may not be easy, and certainly those feelings of jealousy may be the single most difficult factor to overcome. But perhaps just communicating those ideas to each other may open up new areas of fun and excitement.
So . . . communication is the key!!! Talk to your partner, your husband, your wife.
Maybe THEY want to be that someone that YOU want them to be too . . . !!!
Xxx – K
P.S. – Thank you to the wonderful John Tisbury, (see my side-bar), for my photo-silhouette above.
Hubby and I have indulged in our swinging lifestyle for quite some time now and have met some interesting and fun people. But in our experience, and from the experience of many other swingers we have spoken to, it is very rare for both partners to be completely attracted to, and completely comfortable with, both of the partners in another couple.
. . . as was our amazing fun times with another of our special, special friends, Lover 14, who introduced me to the delightful sensations and experiences of rope and bondage play.
