I’m sure we all have “Skeletons in the Closet”, some so personal and private that we would never wish for them to be disclosed.
But opening up my own skeleton (this week’s theme at Wicked Wednesday) led to the most wonderful, emotional release that changed my life forever . . . and for the better!
I left home and moved in with my husband-to-be at just 19, not long out of school . . . but swept off my feet. Life was fun and fulfilling and we married two years later. Pre-children, and with Hubby working seven days a week starting a new business, I slowly began finding myself bored with my evenings-alone home-making and decorating our new flat. And with more and more time on my hands
. . . a new job of my own gave me new interests and new friends, one of whom was rather dishy! Lunchtime coffees, turned into after-work drinks. And after-work drinks turned into after-work meals . . . and, somehow, after just a few weeks, I suddenly found myself involved in an extra-marital affair.
It wasn’t that I’d fallen out of love with Hubby, it wasn’t that our own sex had become unfulfilling or routine . . . it was just that someone else desired me, flattered me, interested me and I found that interest, and flattery exciting and entrancing . . . and I just couldn’t resist.
Of course I felt terribly guilty after each meeting . . . telling myself each time that it would be the last. But I couldn’t stop myself and the affair continued. After all, it wasn’t as though I expected, or even wanted, a permanent relationship with my new lover. I didn’t want to change my life, or his. We both knew the times we were together were just something different and exciting and just-for-the-moment. And the fact that sex with Hubby immediately after a meeting with my lover, seemed to reach new heights of lust and passion, just added to the excitement of my secret life.
But . . . as time passed and the excitement of our lover-liaisons began to assume almost a normalcy of their own . . . those nagging feelings of guilt began to return. I was cheating on someone I truly loved . . . I was living a lie. I knew it wasn’t right, it wasn’t how it was supposed to be.
I can still remember the evening I told Hubby I was having an affair . . . still remember the song he was playing on the stereo as I sat down beside him on the sofa . . . still remember his question “Well, do you want to tell me something?”
I blurted out my “confession” . . . thinking all the while that it would shatter our world, that he would explode with feelings of betrayal and that it would be the end of our marriage. But INSTEAD Hubby told me he’d suspected it for months, not knowing the who or where, but suspecting the when and how often.
And to my amazement, he said he not only understood my feelings of flattery and excitement . . . and my giving-in to temptation . . . he actually wanted me to continue the relationship, to continue to enjoy the freedom and excitement of what was mine, and only mine, to give. The fact that he wasn’t jealous, wasn’t outraged or upset . . . was just the most wonderful, emotional and loving feeling I had ever felt.
That moment changed our lives and I truly believe, made our relationship EVEN stronger and more loving and more fulfilling than either of us could ever have imagined.
That day was over 27 years ago! The affair with Lover No.1 continued, with Hubby and he meeting and becoming friends. And over the years since there have been many more lovers . . . and many more wonderful and incredible adventures . . . and new chapters that still continue to open before us.
And when I often . . . very, very often . . . think how wonderfully fun, and loving, and exciting our years together have been, I thank God that I did open my Closet Doors and exorcise that Skeleton!!!
You are sure to find many more Skeletons in The Closet by gently knocking on Marie’s button below!
Xxx – K
OMG! This was like reading a chapter out of my life. You know exactly where I am at in my life currently. However…I just can’t “open THAT closet door.” You know exactly the feelings I crave and how I do feel about my spouse. I just wish I could walk through that door. He..is very vanilla, with a sprinkle or two of chocolate, but his faith prevents him from being any more “open” than he is or will be. Me? My faith isn’t that strong any more, with each passing day I lose more of it.
I WANT your life!!! lol
This post really made me feel good, not too guilty and most importantly (to me) that a female understands and has felt that same way I do. Thanks so much for sharing this skeleton!
This is an amazing story. I absolutely love how your husband reacted to the confession from your side and yes, I know it could have turned bad. Your marriage could have been over but still, I believe honesty is always better than telling lies or living a lie. I too am glad you exorcised this skeleton 🙂
Rebel xox
This is so wonderful. If only more people could be open this way I think marriage would be a more wonderful thing. I know it is not for everyone, being open to other relationships, but so often being totally closed to the idea binds people into places where the only action they have left is to cheat or leave a marriage and I know, because I was one of those people. I wasn’t proud of my cheating but it was kept me alive, sexually, and in the end led me to changing my life completely…. for the better I might add
Mollyxxx
God – I wish I had your life.
For me, cheating is the ultimate betrayal, and I simply couldn’t forgive it….but I am glad your husband was happy to allow you to have your needs met outside of your marriage, and to meet your lovers too!
I’m just too possessive and insecure to ever consider allowing others to have intimate relations with Sir, and I certainly don’t want it for myself. And maybe that’s the key….being secure enough with yourself to know that having another lover doesn’t mean you’re loved or valued any less. I don;t know, but your post has made me think 🙂
xx
Thank you for your comment. Yes you are right, we all must be secure enough with our own beliefs to know what is best for our own relationships and our loved ones. I realise that my lifestyle is not for everyone . . . but I think the most important thing in any relationship is communicating with your partner about your thoughts and desires. I did feel that guilt that you mention, which is why I just eventually had to confront it.
I also did want to point out that at the time, Lover No.1 . . . and my next few lovers in that early period were all single. So I never had to confront further guilt about encouraging them to be cheating on partners of their own. Latterly, a number of lovers who are married, or in relationships, have all met me through Swingers Clubs etc. (and always with my husband with me). So I feel that my relationship with them is not encouraging them to cheat any further than they already are. And everyone is always completely aware of my own situation . . . and in fact several of them have become close friends whom we regularly meet outside of the situations we may have first met them in.
So, what I am trying to say, is that I would never encourage anyone to betray their own partners . . . rather to talk with them, to be honest and open and . . . if something is not fun, or doesn’t feel right . . . then don’t do it.
Xxx – K
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In a way this resonates with my own life, although in my case, my lover is another woman. It’s all out in the open. Hubby accepts and approves and insists on hearing about every gory detail.
I know how lucky I am to be with someone who not only loves and accepts me for who I am, but allows me to be the person I am too.
Katie xx